I am not a nurturer.

I am not a nurturer.

Part of me thinks it’s hard to say out loud and even harder to hear.  The part that worries about being judged or having to deal with someone who wants to give me ‘ways’ to deal with it or improve upon it.

Part of me knows it’s time to say it out loud after weeks of exploring the truth and admitting this truth to myself on all levels.  This is what the process of self awareness is.

About 5 months ago I became aware of a depth of nurturing that was missing from inside of me.  As I discovered this missing piece, I became aware that nurturing was not a part of my childhood or upbringing.

And if I wasn’t me, then I probably never would have noticed this.  But because of my unwavering dedication to becoming the full expression of who I have the potential to be, I saw it.  Then I owned it and now I’m learning how to improve upon this area of my life and existence.

You see, nurturing does not affect one’s ability to love.  In fact, I’m great at loving.  I’m great at respect.  I’m excellent at truth.  Leading my relationships with a pure and open heart to allow myself the best possible opportunities.  Sometimes it works out and sometimes not – either way it was something I needed to learn.

But nurturing is different.  Nurturing isn’t about what or how you do something for someone.  Its about a deeper energy and intention you hold for them.  It is the energy of grace within the expressions and actions you are offering.  Nurturing is like love and respect overflowed and became this beautiful expression of something so much more.

And yet it has been lacking from my life for my entire life.

How did I first discover this?  My son.  He was asking for more, without even knowing what he was asking for.  I could feel he wanted more, when I felt deeper I could feel he needed more for him to become the person he is meant to be.  Which meant I needed to step up and become more.

So my quest to explore nurturing began.  I have no idea how long it will last, but I’m currently in the stage of actual physical experiences in which nurturing would reveal themselves.  This week I got stung by a wasp – my son did a few weeks ago.  This week I had a bad fall and bruised some bones enough to need to change my routine – my son did this a week or so ago.

Why is this happening?  Because I needed to see in real time what was missing and where I could have and will do better next time.

The one thing I do very differently than most people on a spiritual journey – I believe it has been the key to my success in being able to have gone as deep and far with my explorations and experiences as I have – is that I do not judge myself when I see these truths.

Yes, I feel the sadness of missed opportunities or ways that I would have preferred to act in a different way, but I refuse to spend my valuable time berating myself for an experience I was meant to have.  Because it was in the actual discomfort that I could actually see there was a valuable lesson I needed to learn.

Now here’s the real reason I’m learning about nurturing…

About a decade ago I became very clear on what I wanted to experience in my life.   And one of the things is I want to be nurtured.

I’ve been slowly working through my list and it grows as I becomes aware of something else I want to experience…that’s part of evolution.

But for everything I want to experience receiving from someone else, I must first become it.

Which means, if I want to be nurtured, then I must learn how to nurture.

It is the commitment to myself I made almost 18 years ago combined with a commitment I make to myself every morning.  I want to reach my potential.  I never want to look back on my life and feel regret that I didn’t try because it could have been hard or scary or uncomfortable.  I am all in.

So I’m all in for this experience.  Exploring everything I can.

The best part?  My son is my teacher, my guide and my reason to keep going.  because even though I want to be nurtured, I’m so committed because I know that when I learn to nurture and I embody the energy wholeheartedly, then so will be son.  And just like that I will have changed generations of my family line just with my own passion and willingness to become who I’m meant to be.

These are the depths I was talking bout in the last post…stay tuned we’re going to go deeper and become more vibrant as we go!

Who are you working on becoming?

Much love,
Michelle

#BeABetterHuman #TruthAligned #LifeGoals #SpiritualGoals #SpiritualWarrior #Truth